Maybe Tonight

1st January 2002, 12:07am
My home, Perth

"Nothing changes on New Year's Day."
- U2, "New Year's Day", War (1983)

I have a small ritual that I perform every year. After the clock chimes 12:00 on January 1st, ringing in the new year, and the fireworks launch into the darkened sky, I close my mind to the sounds around me. While people sing the words to "Celebrate" or "Auld Lang Syne" (strangely appropriate for this website...) I head home to my CD player to play the same song I have every year on new year's day for the last 5 years or so.

The CD is War, recorded by U2 in 1983. The song is, unsurprisingly, New Year's Day. And the reason for the ritual is that, while everyone else is singing of new beginnings & resolutions that will be forgotten in a week's time, I prefer to remind myself that nothing changes on new year's day. (Sure, it's a little morose, but I'm hardly an optimistic kinda guy.)

Tonight however, the "nothing changes" refrain isn't entirely convincing, because some things will change today. And these changes aren't just 5 day wonders. Unbeknownst to all but my friend Kelly (who found out just hours ago), today is the day when I officially begin my own business (assuming all goes to plan and the business registration number comes through soon).

"I will begin again, I will begin again."

Before you ask, the business is called namesuppressed, and I am a Digital Media Developer - audio, software, websites, etc. But no, I'm not available for hire, unless you can offer me a really compelling project. namesuppressed is about developing my music, my software, and my philosophy. It's about the things I've been working on for 5 years, whenever I've had the time & money. I sincerely hope that others will find the completed projects to be as compelling as I have - after all, they're my passion, my driving force. My lifeforce.

(To those who think I'm selling out, ask yourself which is worse: working 40 hours a week in a job you hate just to fund the creative projects you wish you had more time for, or working 40-60 hours a week for yourself to create those very projects you wish you could make. "You're only selling out when you give Them control.")

*ahem*

2001 may have been a quiet year - no (online) journal entries, very little music written. Yet it was quite a productive year, only on a less public level. The events of the last 12 months have helped me find what motivates me, what drives me. I've discovered (recovered?) what I stand for - in a word, Individuality.

The defining moment was when I found the courage to stand up to those who were crushing my spirit, suppressing my individuality. (Perhaps the cynical significance of "namesuppressed" is a little clearer now.) When I told the first of those people that I refused to work with them again, I was risking my University grades. At 51%, it was a close call. But I'd rather have failed the subject then "sell out", to give them control again.

So that's what I've been up to the last 365 days. That's why I've been somewhat quiet (even distant) this year. I've been busy dreaming exactly what I want my future to be.

Now it's time to make those dreams happen.

"Maybe the time is right, maybe tonight"